Pain hurts, circumstances hurt, life hurts. Why does crap happen in our lives, why do we go through things that seem too much for us and we feel like were feeling more hurt and pain than any human is suppose to ever feel.
I keep on asking these questions in my head, why God! Why me! Why do I feel like this?
And you know what, I got the realisation that Jesus felt it all, 10000000000 x worse than me.
I feel like I am growing in compassion through all of this, my heart now cries out for others that are going through stuff. I feel like through it all I am learning to get DESPERATE for God. Because when I am at the end of myself and can't control or fix anything that is going on around me, I can't cry for an hour and it will get better, I can't do anything that will fix it. I actually am left with no choice but to pray, and it sucks that I would choose to fix things myself before giving it to God, that isn't right, but I am learning. I am learning to give it to God.
Almost 2 weeks ago I started speaking in tounges everyday and since then I feel like I have grown spiritually and God is edifying me and growing his heart in me for him and others. Yesterday I didn't speak in tounges, I slacked off (being a Sunday I must of thought it was alright) and I felt so discouraged about life all day, it is like I was a happy little floating balloon for the past 2 weeks then I poped. I feel like I am back to square one but I am not. I realised that sometimes you can start to "heal" from something and then a challenge comes your way and although I didn't exactly have victory yesterday I learnt a lot from it. I learnt to REALLY rely on God. Spiritually day to day. That reading a verse in the morning, or a good Bill Johnson book isn't going to cut it. I realised that once you enter the spiritual realm and decide to get serious in the spirit the devil isn't going to like it and will attack the moment you let your gaurd down. It is like having a lot of expensive items in your house and people can see into it and see that you have treasure in there then the moment you leave your house un-locked the local robber called satan comes to kill, steal and destroy.
So be careful, pain hurts, but it is worth it once it is over, it is worth the glory that is revealed (Romans 8) it is worth God's love and pressence you experience, it is worth sharing in his pain.
God bless :)
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