It has been a while...

So it has been a while since I last stuck something up here. And a lot can happen in one person's life in a month.
In this last month of my life I feel like I have been grabbed against my will and pushed around a bunch of bullies. I have felt that feeling of "what have I done to deserve this pain" and the feeling of not being able to exscape.
About 3 weeks ago I felt the deepest sence of hurt that I have ever felt/can remember ever feeling. And it is crazy to think that right now 3 weeks later I can be sitting here at my desk with a sence of peace. I strongly believe that God heals and that he is our provider of ALL things. In the past few weeks he has provided me with comfort in the midst of pain and a sence of peace.
I had this revelation that sometimes you just have to get to such a broken place to get desperate for God to intervene in your circumstances or in your heart or emotions. I remember having this big cry the other week where I physically felt pain in my body from the pain I was feeling, I felt desperate so desperate for God cause there was no one that could understand me in that moment I was in. In that moment no one in the whole world would have felt the same pain I felt because no one else has lived my life and felt the same pain I felt. The only other person in the world that understood my pain was Jesus. Yes, other people in the world have properly had worse things happen to them and felt more pain then me BUT no one else has been me or is me and has the same emotions or heart as me. The only other person that can FULLY understand my pain in Jesus cause he took ALL the pain of the world upon himself and felt it all.
It sucks that sometimes you have to get to those moments where you are so incredibly desperate for God cause it would be cool to just be desperate for him in the happy moments too but I guess we are all on a jouney...

Romans 8 - We share in His sufferings then share in His glory.
Through suffering and pain we experience what Jesus experienced on the cross, we will then experience sharing in his glory. For Gold to be refined ir must go through the fire.

My Dad always say's how he takes joy in suffering, just like the Aposlte Paul did. I have started to do this too and look ahead to what he is calling me too and who he is moulding me to be and what he is refing me to be, what he is burning off me....